Darth Vader’s Vacuum Cleaner

In the one and a-half months we’ve been in this house, Mari and I have only cleaned the floors once. That day — about a month ago — we ran wet rags across the wood panels and tatami. We didn’t have a broom or vacuum cleaner. Dust was breeding into visible piles in the corners and edges of every room, and my allergies seemed to be getting worse. All of that changed today, because I bought Darth Vader’s vacuum cleaner.

Mari and I started searching for a cleaning tool about two weeks ago. We were at a home center reviewing the brooms, mops and vacuums — all of them a combination of weak, ugly and over-priced. So I set my aspirations elsewhere, toward MUJI, a clothing and home furnishing store with a Zen-like sensibility. Their designs and colors are so simple that the elegance could be mistaken for lack of design. We looked through their understated beige catalog and found three models. One was too small, one was discontinued, another was too expensive.

I realized that I shouldn’t expect “cheap” and “beautiful” at the same time. Mari visited another home store and found a bulbous, hosed vacuum, discounted to compensate for it’s tacky gold color. We decided that I should check the local second-hand shop before going for the gold.

This afternoon, Mari sent me an email from work reminding me to check the shop, and she prepared me with a question for the shopkeeper, ”そうじき　は　ありますか？” or “Do you have a vacuum cleaner?” To avoid the awkwardness of getting a response that I wouldn’t understand, I’d add my own disclaimer, “わたしは　にほんごが　はなさえません、けど” or “I don’t speak Japanese, but…”

When I got to the store, I was relieved to see the helpful phrase wouldn’t be necessary. Three vacuums were in plain sight.

Jet-black, shiny and powerful-looking, the National MC-U23T looks like a cleaning implement from the Death Star’s utility closet. The folding handle swings out with a satisfying “click,” like an Imperial  Stormtrooper’s grenade launcher. It even has Vader-like vents on the side. Add a few red, blue and white buttons and it might be mistaken for an extra limb of the Sith lord himself.

The Japanese logo on the MC-U23T body earns cool-points from my Westerner’s eye, and on the business-end, there’s an authoritative-looking English label (cool-points for the Japanese eye) that reads, “TURBINE NOZZLE.”

When I turned Vader’s vacuum on, the piercing whine was louder than a TIE fighter. Also, apparently Darth was a smoker. America or Japan, I guess the musty smell of strangers’ cigarette butts on shag carpeting is the same. I tried a trick from mom: put lavender in the vacuum bag and it perfumes the air that flows through.

The lavender didn’t help, but the cigarette smell faded on its own. I vacuumed upstairs and downstairs. The MC-U23T made a lot of noise and sucked it all up. When Mari comes home, I’ll surprise her with a newly cleaned house.